The Blue Slipper Selection

Location: Perth, WA

Ice-cream: Baskin and Robbins, Box of Chocolates

Reading: The Girl with the Pearl Earring plus lots of complicated leaflets about telephone company plans

Number of beds slept in since we left our last home in Temburong: 58

Quote of the Day: Measure wealth not by the things you have, but by the things you have for which you would not take money

Busy, busy, busy. This setting up home takes a while, doesn't it?

We got the keys to our new house yesterday so spent the morning lugging heavy boxes around and constructing flat-pack furniture. Having done no exercise beyond raising a glass for the last five months I am, sadly, out of condition even by my low, low standards and today every muscle aches. Even sqeezing the toothpaste hurt this morning.

We didn't sleep at the new place because the the bed isn't being delivered until this arvo. One more night at our friends' luxury home with pristine bathroom isn't too hard to bear. The plumbing at the new place leaves much to be desired.

We were asked last night over dinner what was the best part of the journey (not counting visits to friends and rellies.) Tough one. I munched on another offering from the tapas plate while considering and concluded, "The Great Ocean Road." Jim's high spot was Byron Bay. Ask me again tomorrow though and I might answer differently, there were so many good bits. Probably the best past of any journey / holiday is the mindset it gives you.

Must go, things to do. I spent an hour already this morning enduring credit checks so that I can get a telephone. All is well, my credit rating is sufficient to connect me so with any luck I will get my very own phone within three working day. Till then, I'll be offline. As soon as we are connected I will email all and sundry with our address and the new phone number, I promise.

Location: Perth, WA

We've never really had to do this sort of thing before and we were at a bit of a loss. So eventually we went to a huge discount warehouse and said the the assistant. "Follow us, bring a notebook.....One of those and one of those and one of those..."

By the end of two days we had bought a bed, a fridge, washing machine, dining table and chairs, kettle, iron, tv, stereo, tv stand, nest of tables, vacuum cleaner etc.. You get the idea.

We are meeting the landlord to complete the paperwork on Tuesday and hoping to move in on Wednesday if they actually deliver the bed as promised.

Today Jim started looking at Persian rugs. I think he's getting a bit carried away. At the current rate of spending we'll be bankrupt by the end of the week.

Oh and I also bought a bathroom scales but I haven't unpacked it yet. Nor do I intend to until I have been to Baskin and Robbins again.

Location: Perth

As you go about your business at home today, I want you to take stock of the things around you and say to yourself, 'Kay & an Jim don't have one of these, K&J will have to buy one of those etc.' You name it and we don't have it. Kettle? Nah. Mug and teaspoon? Nope. Bed? Not yet. Clothes pegs? Clothes hangers? Table? Chairs? No, no, no and no. You get the picture. So today it's a move to the city and 'shop till you drop.'

Location: The northern suburbs, Perth, WA


Kms travelled in total: 22,000 km for the round trip.

Quote of the day: My motto is ‘veni, vedi, Visa’ – We came, we saw, we went shopping. – Sally Poplin

Listening to: the ching ching of cash registers

We certainly can't be accused of dragging our heels. Less than 24 hours after our first welcoming cuppa back in Perth we have found a place to live. It's a three-bedroomed bungalow in Mosman Park. Our favourite suburb. The location is great: walking distance to shops, the sea, the river and the railway station. The house itself is somewhat eccentric with an unpleasantly 1970's feel to the decor - lime green venetian blinds and a yellow glass saloon-style swing door to the kitchen! It has a garden that benefits from benign neglect and a workshop(!) where Jim can store his bicycle when he gets one. The bathroom would be considered pretty poor by anyone who had not recently been living in Temburong but is a big step up for us. The house is cool and spacious, we think we can settle happily here for a while.

The landlord was interviewing us for the post of tenants, I think, as he showed us round. Obviously he doesn't want any riff-raff. I had to fudge the employment issue by saying I was meeting my old boss the following day. I didn't mention that I was meeting him for a glass of red & an Indian take-away and that work was unlikely to be discussed. The landlord has accepted us pending receipt of our housing references. I know ours are good because I wrote them myself before leaving Brunei so I think I can confidently say we have found a new home.

The big snag is that the place is totally unfurnished. I know it sounds ridiculous that at the age of 47 I have never owned a sofa but its true! While the car was getting its well-deserved 20,000 km service ("There appear to be locusts in the air filter system, sir") we marched from shop to shop noting prices and thinking (for the first time ever) what sort of furniture we would actually prefer to have. "A bed costs how much? And that doesn't include the mattress!" No conclusions have so far been reached.

K: I was just thinking of contents insurance. What were you thinking of?
J: I was just thinking that if we got some bin bags and stuffed them with leaves it would make a pretty good mattress.
K: Well, think again!
J: Not even for the guest room?
K: Especially not for the guest room.

Location: Northern suburbs, Perth, WA
Listening to: Triple J (local radio station)

So the journey is over. We had in mind as we travelled that if we liked anywhere better than Perth we would think about staying there. We certainly saw some great places. We liked Adelaide but the weather is far too cold. We didn't see enough of Melbourne to judge but the climate would certainly stop me settling there. Canberra is far nicer than we expected but the winter is too long. Sydney is briliant but the fast city life is far too exhausting. Brisbane is very pleasant but I prefer to be out of the tropics to avoid the humidity. Darwin might be a nice place to retire to, if I ever start suffering from senile dementia I would fit right in. I can't say it would be be the right decision for everyone but we are convinced that Perth is the best place on earth and we are delighted to be back here. It feels like home and what more can anyone ask?

At least now we’re back in WA Jim can order a beer without making a fool of himself. Beer comes in three sizes at the pump. Ordering ‘a glass of beer’ will get you a tiny ‘pony’ which even I could down in two swallows. Jim normally drinks the 285mL size known here as a ‘middie’ or occasionally the 570mL ‘pint.’ In Victoria a middie is called a ‘pot,’ NSW has a 425mL ‘schooner’ but ordering a ‘schooner’ in South Australia will get you only 285mL of beer. It’s all very confusing. So for your future reference and further education here’s how you order 285 mL (or 10 fluid ounces) of cool, refreshing beer anywhere in the country:
Victoria – a pot; WA/NSW/ACT – a middie; QLD – a ten/ a pot; NZ/NT – a half pint; SA- a schooner and in Tassie – a ten. Perplexed? Well just order a ‘stubbie’ instead, oh, that’s a bottle but… no don’t get me started. I’ll have a glass of the house red please.

The Pinnacles were brilliant. We even saw some 'roos in the area.

Down the road to Perth's northern suburbs today. We're looking forward to seeing our friends, M&A.

Jim and I have spent almost 24 hours a day, seven days a week in each others company for the past four months. The divorce proceedings.... (just kidding)

Location: Cervantes, WA. 259 km north of Perth.

Listening to: Natacha Atlas

Quote of the Day His idea of roughing it is to turn his electric blanket down to medium.

The last day of the trip but it looks like being a good one. After a cloudy start the weather has perked up nicely. Cervantes is a dot of a place. It was named after an American whaler which was wrecked on a nearby reef in 1844. Its basically the nearest place to the Nambung National Park offering accommodation. We're here to see the Pinnacles, some spectacular limestone rock formations. Sunset and sunrise are the best times to go. Guess which I choose. I'll put some pictures in the album later.

Location: Geraldton, (pronounced by the locals as a sort of snarl; 'Jilton') WA

Listening to: Audi CD of Jane Austen's 'Persuasion' and Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon

Quotes of the Day: Cheese- the adult form of milk – Richard Condon
Cheese – milk’s leap forward to immortality. – C. Fadiman

As we sat in the Overlander Roadhouse midway between Carnarvon and Geraldton we mused on how much roadhouses have improved of late. Last time we travelled up north the food was so bad that if it hadn't been for some cheese and a jar of olives pressed on us by friends as we left Perth we would probably have starved. The offerings consisted of stale mystery-meat pies and the dreadful chicko rolls (think of a large, battered, deep-fried, spring roll filled with Spam, on a stick.) These days everywhere at least has sandwiches. Nothing fancy, we're talking white sliced and plastic cheese but, hey, it's a BIG improvement. I even saw fruit at one; 80c for a sorry looking apple but this far from civillisation it would be churlish to complain.

Our motel, picked at random from the side of the road, is like a step back into the 1950's / early 60's. They were even showing 'I dream of Jeanie' on the TV. Jim likes it because it is opposite a huge car wash. As I type he is there trying to hose insects from the radiator. He now carries a stick which he uses to pry fried bugs from crevices in the engine. How come books don't mention this side of travelling?

Location: Coral Bay, WA

Listening to: Audio CD of James Fennimore Copper’s The Last of the Mohicans. (As I hadn’t read the book I hadn’t realized quite how many liberties they had taken with the film)
Also, The Heptones – Sea of Love

In car entertainment: Doing the No. 1 Goliath Crossword puzzle from an August 1998 magazine.

Quote of the Day: Violent exercise is like a cold shower; you think it does you good because you feel better when it stops. Robert Quillen

This was the part of the journey we didn’t think we were going to be able to do at all as an essential bridge had been completely demolished by the recent cyclone. The detour via Tom Price and Parapadoo was not appealing. Luck, as always, was on our side and although the bridge is damaged beyond repair they have been able to put in a temporary structure which we were able to cross without difficulty.

At the roadhouse in Nanutarra (more flies per cubic metre than any other place on the planet) we bought a copy of the West Australian newspaper and studied the ‘to let’ section. We'll have to start house-hunting soon. A penthouse in the city? A bungalow in the ‘burbs? An apartment at the beach? So many decisions to be taken.

A visit to Coral Bay and the fabulous Ningalooo Reef is a trip down memory lane for us. The time drifts by effortlessly at the beach or on the verandah enjoying the sea view. Jim is snorkeling, the reef here is accessible from the beach.

We have two taps in the shower both labeled ‘hot’ named by us ‘Hot' and 'the hot that’s not so hot.’ The second tap is bore water, too hot and salty to drink but OK for washing.

Location: Wickham, near Karratha, WA

Today’s Plague: dragonflies and butterflies (billions of ‘em!)

Quote of the Day: I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. Fred Allen

Listening to: Afrocelts

On our last evening in Broome we went down to Cable Beach to see the camels. I considered taking a sunset ride along the beach but you had to sign up for an hour and that just seemed far too long to be in such a precarious position. Besides, I’ve ridden a camel before and it’s not the sort of thing one needs to do twice in a lifetime. The procession of camels walks slowly and sedately along the shore every evening with a woman leading them on foot and a man hurrying behind collecting all the dung dropped so that it doesn’t pollute the beach. What a great job that must be. Probably looks better of your CV than six years in the jungle though.

We weren’t looking forward to today’s bit of the journey. We’ve done it before and it’s no fun. Endless hours in the car, nondescript scenery and appalling roadhouses. We needn’t have worried, entertainment was available.

Now I know that several of you emailed after reading about our encounter with Bruce the xenophobic, racist, bushie hitchhiker and warned us to be careful who we picked up in these desolate areas. Sound advice but when you see a car broken down at the side of the road and a guy waving frantically, you’d have to be pretty hard-hearted to drive on.

Three Aborigines were in the car which had given up the ghost the previous evening. The older man accepted a bottle of water and stayed with the vehicle, the younger man and a woman climbed in with us and asked to be taken to ‘the turnoff.’ This was about 100 kms down the road to a sign pointing along a red dirt track saying Aboriginal Community Bibyandanga 13 km. That seemed too far to expect anyone to walk in 40 degree heat so we offered to take them. They’d had a cyclone through recently which had removed some roofs and churned up the road but it had dried out again and was now passable – just. Our experience of driving up and down Jalan Selapon in all weathers proved useful. The township had a school, police station, Catholic church, petrol station and store. Homes ranged from smart bungalows to dilapidated hovels. We dropped the couple at the rougher end of town where they hoped to persuade a friend to drive back to tow their car home. If I saw them again I wouldn’t hesitate to stop. 250 clicks further on we spotted Bruce at the roadside. Did we stop? Did we hell!

When we were too tired to drive any further we pulled in to a wretched motel usually occupied by industrial workers in Wickham. With no food available we made do with our emergency cuppa soup supplies though Jim had no trouble finding a six pack of VB stubbies to keep him entertained for the evening.

Location: Broome, WA

Coming back from breakfast (eggs benedict overlooking Cable Beach) this morning we were stopped by the police for an RBT (that's a random breath test for the non-Aussies amongst you). He seemed happy with the reading and waved us on our way. One thing we've noticed on our way round the country is that the police are far more in evidence in WA (RBTs, speed traps etc) than in any of the other places we visited. I don't mind too much as it at least has a deterrent effect and serves some purpose. I was, however, mildly irritated at having to show photo ID before being allowed to post a birthday present to my nephew. I also had to fill in a time-consuming customs declaration that included my telephone number. 'Security' was the reason given. This is the sort of thing that some bureaucrat thinks up to 'cover his ass' and show that he is doing something about the terrorist problem. It inconveniences innocent people and smacks of 'Big Brother' whilst doing nothing towards making the country more secure. I am quite sure that anyone capable of sending dangerous items through the post is more than able to get hold of a fake ID.

Enough of my ranting. On the road again tomorrow heading towards Port Hedland.

Location: Broome, WA

A pleasant day idling around Broome. We went for a walk mid-morning but the temperature and humidity were so high that we were hot and sweaty in no time flat and had to rush home to the air-con.

In a fit of enthusiasm I decided to visit the crocodile park. Jim chose to head for the beach instead. He made the right choice. The whole thing was one big yawn. I skipped out early on in the tour, they are probably combing the park for me right now believing me to have been devoured by a croc.

Location: Broome, WA

Listening to: Audio CD, Arthur Conan Doyle's The Hound of the Baskervilles

Weather: Typical tropical, hot and humid

It was only a short hop today from Derby (don't go there unless they pay you A LOT of money) to Broome. We have got into the outback Aussie habit of thinking of anything less than 500 kms as no distance at all. As we were getting petrol at the Roebuck Roadhouse we saw a lone figure limping down the road carrying a white plastic bag. Could it be..? Surely not. Yup, it's Bruce! Quick, back in the car. Luckily Broome isn't on a direct route to Perth so we're going the other way. I bet I bump into him again in Freo next month. I'll be the one hiding behind the mime artist.

Broome is a holiday town. After the stark mining areas it's nice to be somewhere with a bit of life to it. Of course, we joined the throng and headed for Cable Beach at sunset for a cocktail and a stroll on the sea shore. There's almost a sense of homecoming. For the first time in months we are somewhere familiar. We drove up from Perth six years ago before leaving for Brunei, so everywhere we go now we've been before. It'll be nice to note the changes as we wind our way back down to Perth.

Location: Derby, WA

We discussed at length whether or not to do the flight over the Bungle Bungles (rock formations). In favour was that the area is reputed to be beautiful and we’re probably not going to be this close again. On the negative side was the cost of the trip: $220 per person.

After much debate financial considerations were overridden and so we headed south to Warum (aka Turkey Creek) with the intention of picking up a helicopter flight. When we got there the ‘town’ consisted of a shabby roadhouse and an Aboriginal community store. There was a deserted airstrip but no flights were advertised and there was no one around to ask. We shrugged and decided that it wasn’t meant to be.

Driving through the middle of nowhere on our way to Halls Creek we noticed a man trudging along at the side of the road carrying a white supermarket plastic bag. We stopped and he hopped in. He had no luggage, no water and was wearing highly unsuitable shoes for walking. He introduced himself as Bruce, aged 51, and said he was on his way from Darwin to Perth. That’s quite a stretch of the legs. He sat in silence for the first half an hour and then, unable to contain himself any longer, launched into a vitriolic attack on the ‘blackfellas and foreigners’ who are depriving him of his birthright. He reminded me of a Mel Gibson movie character, no not Mad Max, the taxi cab driver in Conspiracy Theory. He kept up this paranoid rant with only short breaks for 6 hours. The road was empty and to leave him unattended in the middle of nowhere (as I began to suspect his previous lift had done) would have been heartless. He must surely have just been released (escaped!) from some institution. We had been planning to stop at Halls Creek but it was just too depressing to contemplate so we pushed on to Fitzroy Crossing which was almost as bad. Also we could hardly leave our charge in an Aboriginal community, he would surely get himself lynched within ten minutes. So we set our sights on Derby on the northern coast. That’s 900+ kms today. Too many. We dropped Bruce at the crossroads, let’s hope he’s not still there tomorrow.

Location: Kununurra, WA.
Best names en route: Scorpion Creek; Dead Skull Major Creek; Quart Pot Creek; Pint Pot Creek

J: Have you seen the car key?
K: No, should I have?
J: Well, you had it last. You fetched your computer from the boot yesterday afternoon.
K: Oh yeah. That’s where it will be then.
J: Where?
K: Still in the boot. Go look….Was it there?
J: Amazingly, yes. It sat in the keyhole in full view of the entire population of Katherine, WA's crime capital, all last night.
K: Anything taken?
J: Nope.
K: Good oh.

I also walked out of the restaurant last night and left my handbag hanging on the back of the chair. It was still there when I returned to retrieve it. I think my brain is turning to jelly.

A lot of flood damage and some water on the road from Katherine to Kununurra but we have a lot of experience of driving though water from our time on Jalan Selapon so no worries.

We crossed the border into Western Australia today. 17,500 kms (10,870 miles) down and another 5,000 km (3,106miles) to go before we get back to Perth.

Quotes of the day: Ants can carry twenty times their own body weight. Which is useful information if you’re moving out and need help getting a potato chip across town. Ron Darian

When insects take over the world, we hope they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics. Bill Vaughan

Location: Kakadu National Park / Katherine
Best sign: (homemade) 4 SALE STUFFED CROC
Best place names en route: Humpty Doo; South Alligator; Jim Jim Falls

We decided that our final meal in Darwin should be the same as the first so we opted for a tasty baked barramundi, the fish the area is famous for. The first day we arrived 13 years ago we ate a stack of fried barra fillets at five o’clock in the morning at the casino. It was years before I realised that it’s actually a white fish, that buttery golden colour came from the healthy Darwin frying.

It takes two and a half hours to drive to the Kakadu National Park from Darwin so we took a break for a quick bite by the Jabiru Lake when we arrived. Seems the local fire ants had the same idea as we were quickly set upon. It was quite funny to see Jim dancing around trying to stop them crawling up his legs. He was less amused. Seeing the outback up close and personal sure does increase your respect for the Aborigines who lived on the land here for so many years. I wouldn’t last an afternoon unescorted.

The park is a world heritage area so there are very strict regulations about what you can and can’t do. You can’t disturb the wildlife or drop litter for example and, as it is largely Aboriginal land, there are lots of places where you can’t bring alcohol. You are, however, able to mine as much uranium as you like. The Ranger Uranium Mine is the reason Jabiru town exists. It has 25% of the world’s uranium. It takes up very little of the available vastness and they have promised to put everything back the way they found it. So, that’s all right then.

As it’s still the wet season most areas of the park are inaccessible even by 4WD. Great! That means we can fly instead. We signed up for an hour’s flight and even though our pilot looked about 14 years old and had the improbable name of ‘Fisk’ we had a great time and landed safely. He flew us over to the spectacular Jim Jim Falls and Twin Falls. To see them from the ground you would have to drive down a dirt road in your 4WD for two and a half hours then walk for a kilometer over rocks in the searing heat, then paddle upstream for a further kilometer whilst avoiding crocodiles. The whole place is full of fresh water crocs (which aren’t aggressive) and estuarine (salt water) crocs (which are fierce and will eat you without even considering the calorie count.) Come on, you’d have to be tired of life to make the attempt, wouldn’t you?

So, well pleased with our trip we drove back to Katherine for the night. There is a lone resort in Jabiru where we could have stayed if we had been prepared to take out a mortgage for the night’s accommodation but it is constructed in the shape of a crocodile and we didn’t like the idea of sleeping in the belly of a croc.

Location: Darwin, NT

The plan is to leave Darwin tomorrow and go to Jabiru for a flight over the Kakadu National Park. Ideally, of course, if you are young and fit, you hike around the place and see it from ground level. However, as it is the end of the wet season here and many of the access roads are still impassable, I have been spared that pleasure. Back to Katherine after the flight. Looks like I won't have internet access for a few days.

BBC - Britain's Best Sitcom - The Top 10

While Jim's watching the cricket I have been looking at the list of 100 sitcoms provided by the Beeb. Which is your all time favourite? Yes, Minister gets my vote. You?

Location: Darwin, NT
Temperature: 33 degrees C
Humidity: 89%
Reading: 1421, The Year the Chinese Discovered the World by Gavin Menzies
Watching: Cricket (groan)
Quotes of the Day: Cricket is a game which the British, not being a spiritual people, had to invent in order to have some concept of eternity.

Oh God, if there be cricket in heaven, let there also be rain. – Sir Alec Douglas Home.

“I’m beginning to think life’s too short for cricket.” – Raquel, Coronation Street.


Jim had always said that if we ever returned to Darwin we would not stay at the casino but on the Esplanade so we were delighted to discover that the cheapest package we could find online for three nights in Darwin was at the Esplanade Holiday Inn. It all seems a bit posh and fancy after the motels of Tennant Creek and the like but you can’t fault the location, this is the place to be: a lovely walk overlooking the ocean and lots of pubs and restaurants around the corner. Darwin has def. gone up-market since our last visit. It’s just as well everything is within walking distance because every time you want the car you have to phone reception and have it brought round from wherever it is they stash them. I never thought I would ever actually utter the words, "Have the car brought round, would you?" but it just goes to show you never can tell what life has in store for you.

We went to the national museum and art gallery where they have some interesting displays of Aboriginal art and a temporary exhibition of the work of local artists. I liked best the exhibition of the aftermath of Cyclone Tracey which hit Darwin on Christmas Day 1974. There’s a video showing the devastation, the whole place was flattened; it was traumatic just to watch it. Our hotel room has a cheery leaflet entitled ‘How to survive a Cyclone’ which I then hurried home to read.

Re biscuits: Thanks to P. for the reminder of Golf biscuits esp the Golf Orange. Thanks to L. for who has personal experience of the Tregroes waffles and recommends toasting them. "...till the biscuit is just slightly browned. ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL is to then allow the waffle to cool, a little, before you attempt to eat it, the toffee will have become extremely hot and you will otherwise burn your mouth, as with the infamous Kellogs Pop Tart. Not that I have ever eaten a pop tart, a woman has to have some standards!"

Neil's trip to Sri Lanka

If you're getting a bit sick of Australia but still have the taste for some more vicarious travel, check out this blog of Neil's trip to Sri Lanka. It reminded me of my visit there, though unlike Neil, I managed to avoid the cricket. No, I have no idea who the guy is. I just noticed his blog whilst browsing.

Location: Darwin, Northern Territory
Kangaroos sighted: live – one; dead – five (sorry though I am for their demise I am also concerned that each of those bodies represents a road accident which caused some motorist to end up in hospital)
Listening to: Ian’s favourites (again, thanks I.)

This is not our first visit to the Northern Territory capital. In fact we made our initial entry into Australia by arriving in Darwin in 1991. (13 years ago! Doesn’t time fly when you are having fun?)
By the early nineties we had realized that faced with the eventual prospect of retiring to the Welsh winter we would have to either make a suicide pact or find somewhere warmer to live. Jim favoured the former as it required no advance planning on his part but I insisted we explore other options first.

We will be forever grateful to our friends M&H for pointing out that a) Australia has more school holidays than any other country in the world, b) it was the country least likely to succumb to Islamic fundamentalism and go ‘dry’ and c) whereas it was difficult to get into to Aus from UK, it was very straightforward from Brunei because none of the locals wanted to emigrate. These facts established we wasted no time in applying and our request was granted much faster than anticipated (perhaps it helps to have a mate at the High Comm.) leaving us with a further year to do on our Brunei contracts. To make the paperwork official we didn’t have to go and live in Oz for five years but we did have to make a visit pretty rapidly. Which is how we came to make our first steps on Aussie soil on a long weekend gambling package at the Darwin casino.

Mmmm Nice

On the subject of biscuits, one of my favourite websites, A nice cup of tea and a sit down, currently has Tregroes Toffee Waffles from Wales as their biscuit of the week. Only check out this link if you are NOT on a diet.

Location: Katherine, Northern Territory
Listening to: Burning Spear; JJ Cale; Jules Verne’s Around the World in 80 Days.
Bug report: No more locusts but a lot of dragonflies and something else I haven't seen before which leave a yellow smear on the windscreen

At Tennant Creek the decision had to be taken: south to Alice Springs and then on to the rock, Uluru, or north to Katherine and Darwin. As you can see, north won. Although it’s a pity to miss out on such a famous Aussie sight we decided to give it a miss for three reasons i) it’s a helluva long way there ii) it’s a helluva long way back again down the same road and iii) we wanted to have something left to do later!

As we drive north we are keeping our fingers crossed for good weather. The Northern Territory has two seasons: the wet and the dry. March marks the end of the wet. So far we’ve had nothing but sunshine but it’s obvious from the condition of the roads that some of them were impassable as recently as yesterday. For this reason a visit to the Kakadu National Park is inadvisable. Jim befriended the maintenance guy at our TC motel. He had noted Jim’s forlorn face and offered him the use of a power hose to remove the locusts from the car. He told Jim that his Townsville girlfriend had been stuck for a week in Mount Isa recently unable to reach him or return home due to the flooded roads. A week in Mount Isa… it doesn’t bear thinking of.

We were talking about biscuits today. (It's a VERY long journey.) What was your favourite biscuit when you were a kid? Mine was Bourbon Cream. Jim favoured Milk Chocolate Digestives. These days he likes Chocolate Hobnobs. I am still conducting exhaustive research before drawing a conclusion.

Location:Tennants Creek, Northern Territory
Listening to: Steely Dan; Treasure Island Reggae. Audio CD Evelyn Waugh’s Brideshead Revisited
Breakfast: a roadhouse hot meat pie
Lunch: a packet of liquorice allsorts
Quote of the day: Eat well, stay fit, die anyway

I started the day in a bad mood (and I am usually such a sweet little angel in the mornings!). Our motel room du jour had a LED display clock radio and some b*st*rd had left the alarm set for early shift at the mine. When abuse failed to stop its wailing I tore the plug out of the wall with a snarl. That’ll teach it.

J: How far is it from Mount Isa to Tennants Creek?
K: The road atlas says 678 kms or 500 minutes.
J: It shouldn’t take nine hours to do less than 700 clicks, the road looks good.
K: The book hasn’t been wrong yet.
J: Good point.

The road deteriorated shortly after and our respect for ‘the book’ (The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy…sorry, The Complete Motoring Atlas of Australia, Fourth Edition) increased still further.

We saw cattle on the road, also rosellas, cockatoos, dead roos, lizards, a young emu, an eagle and a feral cat. What we did not see were cars. In the first 125 kms we saw only two cars … and a road train. It’s hard to convey the size of a road train. Let me just say that if I were to walk right round one I would consider it my exercise for the day. Imagine the usual big truck, of course, but pulling three or four huge swaying trailers. To overtake (if you dare) you pull out, put your foot to the board and just keep going for 50 metres or more with your fingers crossed. Then you pull back in, exhale and try to put as much distance between you as possible.

The road in parts is best described as ‘ropey.’ Until a few years ago it was just a red dirt strip, then they put a ribbon of tar down the centre and called it a highway. It looks quite impressive on the map. When / if you meet another vehicle you have to pull onto the soft edge and pray it hasn’t been raining recently. Luckily, some bits of the road are good which is why Jim felt able to do 160 kph at times. There are no speed restrictions in the more rural areas of the Northern Territory. Try that in Perth and you’d be banned in no time flat...or dead, perhaps.

Just after crossing the border into the Northern territory (another bloody time zone!) we hit the locust swarm again or should I say that it hit us. Dead ones lay like a thick carpet on the road while lives ones bombarded the windscreen. Later Jim had to lift the bonnet and scrape the toasted ones out of the engine. Ah, the joys of travel.

Underwater Photography - Great Barrier Reef - Australia's Marine Life photographed by Bill Wood

As I am not going to be able to provide my readers with stunning photos from the Great Barrier Reef, here's a website to check out.

Location: Mount Isa, QLD. (a copper & lead mining town)
Creeks passed en route: Kookaburra Creek; Sausage Creek; Pinchgut Creek; Dead Man Gully. (There’s a story there somewhere, surely)
Listening to: The Q Chill Out Collection (like we could be any more relaxed!); Air; Buena Vista Social Club; Planxty and Jane Austin’s Emma.
No. of kms driven today: 932 kms (about 580 miles)
Quote of the Day: After a particularly lively trip to Amsterdam, one wag invented the cocktail: take one hotel washbasin and insert plug; take one minibar and empty contents into washbasin. Drink with straw. – Martin Vander Weyer


We liked Townsville, it’s a town that’s made an effort. It’s nicely laid out and they’ve preserved their old buildings really well. They’ve got a good balance between tourists and locals too. If you’re partial to a tropical climate, you could do worse than move to Townsville.

So goodbye to the coast, we turned west and headed inland.

K: The weather looks nice anyway.
J: Yes, no problem with the weather…
K: Did I hear a ‘but’ implied in your tone?
J: Well, there is that swarm of locusts…
K: A plague of locusts! Good grief! And you didn’t think to tell me about this sooner?
J: (Shrugs) It was on the news last night. I think they are a little way south of where we’re heading though.
K: Be sure to mention it if we’re likely to encounter any more biblical plagues, won’t you?

In the event we caught only the tail end of the swarm when we drove alongside the wheat fields (though I wouldn’t have liked to have been on a motor bike) but were terrorized by suicidal butterflies which smeared themselves on our windscreen for mile after mile.

The earth is red, the road is straight, the sky is blue and the sun is scorching. Typical outback Aussie. And plenty more of that to come.

We arrived at our Mount Isa motel around 7.30 p.m. having left Townsville at 8.30 a.m. The desk clerk enquired if we were heading for Darwin in the morning. ‘Just to Tennants Creek’ I replied. She looked disappointed, ‘We had a young man arrive at 9.30 p.m. last night having left Darwin at 6.30 a.m. that morning.’ (‘And is he mentally incapacitated?’ I refrained from asking.) Aussies accept these outrageously long distances as normal.

Location: The Great Barrier Reef, QLD
Weather: glorious
Quote of the Day: A man may fall many times but he isn’t a failure until he begins to blame someone else.

The Great Barrier Reef fact file:
-It got world heritage status in 1981.
-A floating hotel was established on the John Brewer Reef (where we were today) in 1987. The expected clientele never materialized so the entire hotel was towed to Vietnam where it now adorns a river in Hanoi.
-The reef is home to 400 species of coral, 1,500 species of fish, 4,000 species of mollusk, not to mention a variety of crustaceans, echinoderms (that’s starfish to you and me) and sponges.
-Despite the name is not one reef but is made up of over 3,000 individual reefs and islands which encompass an area of more than 350,000 sq km – and herein lies the rub: on one visit you can only explore an area about the size of half a football pitch.

Worse still, in order to get to one of the nearer (72 kms) reefs you need to chug along for over two hours. Also because this is a mass tourism enterprise you are part of a large group, many of whom have never found their own way to the bathroom prior to boarding the vessel. Therefore, you must sit though a tedious talk entitled (by Jim) ‘snorkeling for fuckwits’ and then endure a further hour of faffing about while 100+ people get fitted with fins and masks. Eventually you get into the water and are let off the leash. Jim saw lots of beautiful fish, colourful coral and (best of all) swim around for a while tailing a turtle. Needless to say, I didn’t go in the water; with my eyesight a fish would have to perch on the end of my nose for me to be aware of its existence. Be warned that folk from UK who are not as sun savvy as Aussies were coming out with blistered backs after an hour in the water at midday. Don’t forget the sun block!

A lowest common denominator lunch was provided so I made myself a nice ham salad roll and sat on the deck to enjoy it in the breeze while I waited for the trip in the semi-submersible I’d been looking forward to. Annoyingly it was cancelled, but never mind, I can go on the glass bottom boat trip instead. Or I could have if I had been one of the first ten in the queue. As I wasn’t, I had to return to my seat and stare at the ocean for a few more hours. It was a good thing I had brought a book with me and a mere 350 pages later we began chugging back to Townsville.

So, in summary: for maybe one hour of snorkeling or diving you have to endure seven hours of tedium. As for the actual experience of viewing coral etc. Jim would give it an average rating. He did half a dozen trips in Malaysia last year and every one of them was better than today. If you’re in Asia, go to Kota Kinabalu. If you’re in Australia, the Ningaloo Reef in WA is a much better outing and you can see some spectacular coral very close to the beach. It’s all very informal and laid-back so you don’t feel quite so ‘processed’ at the end of it. However, taken as a whole, the GBR is such an amazing phenomenon (the structure is visible from space, egad!) that it’s a privilege to be allowed anywhere near it. Decide for yourself if you’re in the neighbourhood.
That’s the whingeing pom view. If any of you have had a more positive GBR experience please let me know and I’ll be happy to print it to redress the balance.

Location: Townsville, QLD

Listening to: Lost Horizons by Lemon Jelly plus a flock of black cockatoos shredding the tree outside the door.

Quote of the day: The proper way to cook a cockatoo is to put the bird and an axehead into a billy. Boil them until the axehead is soft. The cockatoo is then ready to eat. – Traditional Aus cooking tip.

Weather: Lovely where we are at present but terrible where we've just been and parts of where we had intended to go next are now disaster (cyclone) areas Keep your fingers crossed that the sun continues to shine on us.

J: What shall we have for breakfast?
K: Er...Toast?
J: Nah, I'll see what we've got.
Off he pottered to the kitchen and returned with a split English muffin covered in cheese, sliced avocado and bacon. I like a man with imagination.

Breakfast digested we stepped out of the door and into the swimming pool. It's surrounded by trees and looks like a tropical grotto. No one else was around and the water was warm. Am I making you jealous yet? No? Well, I'll try again tomorrow when I hope to be able to recount our trip to the Great Barrier Reef.

Location: Townsville, QLD
Listening to: Satta by Baju Banton
Local fruit: mango
Today's fast food: Red Rooster (and pretty 'fowl' it was too, I shan't be having another one any time soon)
Quote of the day: There are two kinds of people: those who don’t do what they want to do, so they write down in a diary about what they haven’t done, and those who haven’t time to write about it because they are out doing it. – Flournoy & Foster

Entering Townsville we crossed the Ross River....now where have I heard that name before? Oh yeah, Ross River Virus a disease spread by mozzies. Just stop off at that chemist's for some bug spray, would you?

We've taken a room for three nights in order to fit in a trip to the Great Barrier Reef on Saturday. In the meantime we'll just relax and catch up on our reading.

The following books have been recommended by a reader. Many thanks to P. in Milan.
Oracle Nights by Paul Auster
Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell
My Life as a Fake by Peter Carey
Underworld by Don DeLillo
The Moro Affair by Leonardo Sciascia
Judge Savage by Tim Parks
The Wind-up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami
Miracle Fair (Collected poems) by Wislawa Szymboursk

Thanks also to K. in South Wales for recommending two Star Trek novels. Both are ST Voyager and are set after the crew finally returns to Earth. Could be useful when my Trek withdrawal symptoms get too much for me.
Homecoming & The Farther Shore both by Christie Golden.

Location: Mackay, QLD
Listening to: Groove Armada
Audio CD of EM Forster’s Passage to India.
Quote of the Day: Anyone who lives within his means suffers from a lack of imagination. – Lionel Stander.
Weather: warm and windy

After two days in luxury we felt the need to economize so I found a room in someone’s back yard for $50. As we arrived late and were planning to leave early it didn’t seem such a bad idea until I opened the esky and found it swarming with ants. The entire contents had to be ditched. Only two small water bottles (one containing gin and the other brandy) survived the purge.
The road from Rockhampton to Mackay (described by our Hervey Bay informant as ‘very boring’) is quite pretty with plenty of easy-on-the-eye greenery. You don’t see many people. Generally you don’t see ANY people so our attention was attracted by a gent striding purposefully down the road in the middle of nowhere. He could not have been any other nationality but rural Australian: bald head, long grey beard, enormous beer belly, tiny shorts and flip flops. A little further along the road we saw a police officer cautiously prowling around an abandoned vehicle. Perhaps we should have stopped and said, “He went thatta way,” but instead we drove on to Sarina, “celebrating 75 years of producing ethanol.”

Our motel was chosen for its central location: opposite a motor bike shop and my all time favourite shop ‘Officeworks.’ Eventually Jim dragged me out and we went to the local cinema. Having just read the book, I wanted to see Under the Tuscan Sun. Big mistake. It’s probably not the worst film I ever saw but it sure would make the top ten. Jim was just thrilled as you can imagine. I promised him an evening at the pub by way of compensation.

Location:Yeppoon, QLD
Listening to: Bob Holdroyd
Reading: Brick Lane by Monica Ali
No. of kms travelled since Perth: 13,000 km
Best Queensland place names en route: Mooloolaba; Caboolture; Maroochydore; Gympie; Bigenden; Boompa; Gin Gin.
Quote of the Day: “When one realises that his life is worthless he either commits suicide or travels.”

Leaving Hervey Bay the desk clerk told me that it was a nine hour drive to Mackay. I mentioned this to Jim and suggested that maybe we should be a little less ambitious and stay overnight at Rockhampton instead four and a half hours away. He pointed out that the main vehicle favoured by the H. Bay locals is the ride-on mower and so their estimates are not to be trusted. Onto the Bruce (yes, really) Highway then and away.
We made excellent time until we encountered an enormously wide load with a police escort. I have no idea what it was but it took up both lanes and was so high that whenever we reached a small country town the driver’s sidekick had to get out of the cab and extend an elongated pole to raise the telegraph wires to allow the truck to crawl underneath. After a few miles of this a break in Rockhampton began to seem more attractive and we postponed our plan to drive to Mackay.

Rockhampton, aka the beef capital of Aus, is very much a working town and has little to recommend it to tourists. We searched the place in vain for anywhere that looked likely to be able to provide us with an edible lunch and ended up munching burgers with Ronald MacD. Desperate times.

We’ve been through banana country, then the pineapple districts. Now it’s sugar cane as far as the eye can see. No sign of any cattle, maybe they are hidden amongst the cane. We bypassed Bundaberg, famous for its sugar and also for its rum.

‘If in doubt, head for the coast’ is a good rule of thumb so we drove on to Emu Park (possibly named for Emu bitter rather than any birdlife) and then took a cheap room for the night in Yeppoon.

Location: Hervey Bay, QLD
Listening to: The Treorchy Male Voice Choir? Nah, 600% Dynamite (Reggae)
Quote of the Day: The land of my fathers? My fathers can have it. - Dylan Thomas, Welsh Poet.

A pleasant day lounging around with a little more swimming in the Pacific.
Happy Saint David's Day everyone. I'm sure you all remembered to wear a daffodil in your buttonhole and eat a leek for lunch.