The Blue Slipper Selection

I asked Jim for a description of a Honda Civic. He said that if you told a seven year old to draw a car then that's what a Honda Civic looks like. Sounds OK to me. I have forgotten how to drive on proper roads with traffic lights, speed cops and roundabouts anyway.

I have managed to set up a pre-paid internet access account. I still have to hijack a friend's phone line but I can at least check my email without running up their bills.

Our effects have arrived in Aus and are being processed through customs and quarantine. Still no delivery date and they start running up storage bills on Monday.

If you want to wind Jim up just mention the word 'bank.' Ours has failed to do any of the things it promised to do including have credit cards waiting for us at our branch. They then promised to have them sent from Melbourne by Friday but that didn't happen either. I can feel a stern letter coming on.

Despite these minor inconveniences we are still thrilled to be here. Perth does feel like home. I loved going to the cinema yesterday and watching a film that had not been heavily censored and didn't have Malay and Chinese subtitles. The ice-cream was good too.

I had been lulled into a false sense of security. Leaving Brunei had been relatively effortless (no queues at the check-in desk and no hassle with immigration) so I should have been on the alert for baggage problems. As Brunei had forgotten to spray the bags in the aircraft hold, Australia didn't want to let them in. Much spraying took place while we waited and all was well.

A letter was waiting at Mike and Alix's telling us to phone the shippers so we could arrange for the delivery of our personal effects. No, that would have been too easy. The shippers told us that Brunei hadn't sent the proof that we had paid so they weren't releasing our stuff until they got the money. What's more if we didn't move it soon it would start incurring storage charges. I scanned and sent a copy of our receipt but they still said they need confirmation from Brunei. I explained that this was not likely to be forthcoming as they had just started the end of holy month celebration.

Anyway, things are moving again now and all I had to do was pay twice. Sigh. The shippers in Brunei will be receiving a sharply worded letter from me very soon along the lines of 'send me a refund NOW if you you want to live to see old age.'

Jim went out looking at cars. His last words were that he was definitely NOT buying one today so I wasn't at all surprised to discover that we are taking delivery of a new, black Honda Civic early next week.

It's great to be in Australia again and we are having a brilliant time.

My last ever blog from Brunei and it's a good one so read on:

The house was entirely packed away EXCEPT the TV and satellite dish because Jim couldn't possibly leave without seeing the rugby world cup final. Like minded friends gathered; a good mix of Aussie and England supporters to add spice to the occasion. Naturally I was downstairs playing on the computer as rugby was the reason I left Wales in the first place.

Hearing lots of yelling from upstairs I assumed the game had concluded and that it was safe to return to the living room. I found the entire group hurling abuse at a blank screen. The score was 14 all with not much time left to play and THE TV SIGNAL DISAPPEARED. You can imagine their dismay. They were not at all amused. The phone rang but it was just a friend asking to see if we still had electricity. Yeah, but only just.

We called a friend to get the last minutes of the game relayed to us over the the phone. Extra time! My suggestion that perhaps they should just both be called winners and share the cup was met with scorn and some quite unnecessary abuse. There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth as the tension mounted. Just as people were starting to break up chairs to toss at the screen the picture reappeared for the last ten, nail-biting minutes of the match. What can I say except 'good game, shame about the result?'

It was such a typically 'Temburong' evening somehow. A fitting end to our time here. Tian brought round a ton of food: curry, chicken, fish, rice and veg. We all stuffed our faces and drank champagne to either celebrate or drown our sorrows as allegiance dictated.

I am a bit worried now though. Will they let us into Australia? Surely the entire country will be in mourning? I wouldn't be surprised if they closed the airports especially to folk travelling on Pommie passports. Better dust off the hat with corks on cobber and practise my Aussie accent. G'day mate.

• Life is hard. After all, it kills you. – Katherine Hepburn

• The way I see, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. - Dolly Parton

• I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them.- Jane Austen

• The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off. – Gloria Steinem

• As you get older the picking get slimmer, but the people don’t. – Carrie Fisher

• Mothers, food, love and career: the four major guilt groups. – Cathy Guisewite

• Men aren’t attracted to my mind. They are attracted by what I don’t mind. – Gypsy Rose Lee.

• Here’s a rule I recommend: Never practice two vices at once. - Tallulah Bankhead

• Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women. - Nicole Hollander

• Ducking for apples – change one letter and it’s the story of my life. – Dorothy Parker

Public Albums by - Kay Oxenham

This link should take you to my photo albums. I also tried to put a permanent link on my sidebar but I am such a novice at this sort of thing that you may well end up at an entirely different location. If you try it, let me know if it works. Anyway, I shouldn't be wasting my time online. I should be packing!

I am far too busy to impart any of my own wisdom so here's some from other women.

Quotable Women

George Bernard Shaw, “Isn’t it true, my dear, that male judgment is superior to female judgment?”
Mrs. Shaw, “Of course, dear. After all, you married me and I you.

Housework can’t kill you, but why take the chance? – Phyllis Diller

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted. – Mae West

If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing slowly… very slowly. – Striptease artist Gypsy Rose Lee

When women are depressed they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It’s a whole different way of thinking. – Elayne Boosler

Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with? – Rita Rudner

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes – and six months later you have to start all over again. – Joan Rivers

Be nice to your children, for they will choose your rest home. – Phyllis Diller

I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it. – Mae West

I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific. – Lily Tomlin

This is just to let you know that we are all packed and raring to go. Saturday is the last day of school. On Sunday we go over to BSB to spend the night with friends. We fly to Perth on Monday. I’ll try to keep my weblog updated so you can read about where we are and what we’re doing.

Paid the water bill, paid the telephone bill and filled in the form to have my my internet connection severed. A fruitful day.
I have given up any hope of claiming back the $100 deposit I am entitled to as it needs the original receipt from five and a half years ago and takes an average of eight months from the day you terminate the connection to receive a cheque that can only be cashed in Brunei. I'll save myself the stress and consider it a charitable donation.

I think school is sapping my will to live. Can I survive until the end of term? Watch this space!

Lovely scene today at the zoo (yes, Temburong has a zoo of sorts, three cages and a bench). I was there with three 50+ adults and a four year old boy. The 50+ visitor asked the boy to pose in front of a sad looking hornbill in a cage for a photo. He obliged, she clicked the shutter and he ran up asking to see the photo. She looked a bit stunned, obviously thinking she had misjudged the child's intelligence and started to explain that she had to finish the film and take it to the shop to be developed. He looked a bit stunned too, obviously thinking that she was a total fool. The generation gap perfectly illustrated: she'd never used a digital camera and he had never seen anything else.

I am beginning to think that being without a computer has positive benefits. If my computer had been available I would never have found the time to spend four hours of Sunday afternoon scraping bluetac off the walls whilst watching tech-tv reruns.

We had a power cut all morning and an electrical storm all afternoon so I couldn't have used it anyway.

Still in mourning for my modem.

Worse still the tv is stuck on the rugby channel. I have been reduced to videoing 4 hour chunks of tech tv at random overnight in the hope that this 'fishing' will catch me something I can at least watch on the treadmill. Of course, I don't feel much like walking just lying down with a box of chocs.

The exam results for my classes came out today. Much wailing and gnashing of teeth in the kampung. Most of my borderline students have scraped a pass so I am happy but those who were relying on divine intervention have been largely disappointed.

Here's a little Malay lesson for you. Essential vocabulary should you ever venture to Borneo. Mee goreng = fried noodles; nasi goreng = fried rice and modem goreng = fried modem.

Having claimed victory over the birds and ants (still doing battle with the mouse in the cupboard) my paranoia has gone beyond the confines of the house. Now the weather is out to get me.

Well, what conclusion would you come to? This is my FIFTH modem to get fried by lightning. Yes, yes, I have a surge protector. Yes, I unplug the modem the second I come offline and no I never ever use the computer in bad weather. I was zapped from a clear blue sky and I am taking it personally!

So once again my notebook computer is taking a vacation around the workshops of SE Asia while I sit at home chewing my nails. Grr!

I think (fingers crossed) that if you go to this address you should be able to view some of our recent photos.
If it works I will send photos here while we are on the road so you can view them.

http://www.photobox.co.uk/kayjim56@hotmail.com

So I asked Jim what he would miss. He shrugged and said “Probably nothing. What's the point in looking back? This bit was good but now it’s over. Time to move on to the next bit.” So who’d have thought I’ve been living with a philosopher all these years?